how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
