wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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