We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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