We're facebook friends in real life
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
