I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
