Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
