i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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