So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
