i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
