Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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