Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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