gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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