does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
