Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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