went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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