Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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