he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
