What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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