I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
