What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
