She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
