Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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