and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
