i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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