Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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