Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just cropdusted the office
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
