i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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