Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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