He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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