In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
