I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
