Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
