i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
