pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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