i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
