All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
