He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
