someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
