weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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