My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
