it was like his penis was on wheels.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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