Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
