toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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