its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
