"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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