I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
