He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
