If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
