I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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