Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this just has baby written all over it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
