i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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