she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
