I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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