You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
