Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
