Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize