I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
