The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
