spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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