You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
