C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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