he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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