just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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