I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
