You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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