I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
