you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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