he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
