My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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