i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
