On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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