she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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