he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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