i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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