Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
