im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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