That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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