bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
this hospital has no fireball
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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