He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
